Thursday, October 12, 2006

THE INDIAN SOAP OPERA RANT:


THATS RIGHT MOFO~S, THIS IS THE "HIP" SHYT


Of all the horrible things that Indian television feeds in this era the worst have to be those dipshit soap operas which are on 24/7 in family circus channels like Star + and zee t.v. I really don’t think Indian soaps actually sucked ass this bad before. With tacky one liners, miserable castings and ball grinding screen play, one can even start missing the shit eating days of “zabhan shamal ke”( a ghastly Indian retake of the English sitcom: mind your language). When I have been forced, I either end up cracking up more than others realizing how stoned you have to be to direct and produce something this obscene or either head butting the t.v. for all the directors, producers, writers, actors, spot boys, watchers of Indian sit-coms, I have but 1 word for you: GENOCIDE.

SAAS, BAHU or SUB MACHINE GUN:


THAT WAS THE ACTUAL CAPTION PUT UP ON OFFICAL SITE

A few days ago, I was cornered and made to watch “Baa Bahoo Aur Baby”. The new killer soap opera of the star plus arsenal, after watching the show I ended throwing up in the bathroom, I didn’t need booze, smack, marijuana or cocaine to “feel lifted”, this whole program is such a bitch of a trip it is.

The plot of it is to make watchers crawl through 30 mins of complete agony, squeeze the life out of their eyes by flashing god like illumination that that make an x ray machine blush, compress an hour of advert in between the running time and to end up exactly where the program kicked off, so it can be recycled up and packed for the next week. What’s gets me more interested in raving about this show is the on screen portrayal and the way “the crew” have been vividly chosen to fit an all star series:


NOBAADY MESSES WITH THE FAMILY.

Baa (godmother): As apparent from her face she’s I hard hitting feline bitch, but has a soft corner (sometimes) for the family personnel’s and turns into a pooch. I liked to think that the producer was trying to show here, how ill Indian females look when they move to feminism.


QUICK! TAKE THIS UP UR ASS BEFORE THE FAMILY
COMES. our only salvation cums from within.

The three Bahu: unlike most Indian approaches to demented feline bahus. Who fight at any unknowing reason, these three team up to kick some domestic butt, inter competitional races, to make baa proud and all tops up with tears of joy, kinky approach’s to on screen hubbies and erotic lesbian 1 liners. Eg, “kash apki parchai marai upar pad jati to merie sari cummi katham ho jati”(if your shadow who strike thy then thou would cum!)


CRIPPLED SLUT

Baby: In every Indian soap opera, a cripple has to be around to get mid aged females/ homosexuals tears on every handicapped downfall of these smuts. Eg, That metal fuck from Apaharan and Jassi, (metal braces). Indian viewers are to blamed for this as they get too fucking emotional every time someone on screen gets picked lightly by other “villans” (branded as baddies for the rest of there lives! If seen on street can be chased by viewer formed gangs and outcome can be fatal, even resulting in his/her death), but when it comes to normal crippled who roam around in millions in real life, a 5 rupee note can be hard to find. Shit!


BLADDED FULL OF HOT FLITH, annoying
little fuck

Gattu: The shadow lead role, if a crippled didn’t do it for you in this show to get a fix, take a look at the 30 turned 13 psycho. He is the bastardized version of Willy Wanka from Charlie and the Chocolate factory and Leonardo Di Caprio from What’s eating Gilberts Grapes. If there was a single most person I would like to blow by shoving gallons of Helium up the ass and torching it, that would be him!

The only way to solve this sick problem known as “baa bahu and baby” would be to replace the show with a 30 min no break action show which will feature all related members of it: actor, directors, thela wala and viewers to be tortured physically on screen live! knifing , slapping, hanging should be regular. Not only would violence build Indian peoples characters. It would also satisfy millions of souls and promise them a safe slumber for eternity.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Haha... :-D dude, these shows are the benchmark of stupidity and every week they establish a new standard ! From the creamy make up to the exxxxxtra Kkkkkssss... they take the art of making a bad show to new heights !

1:39 AM  
Blogger Kartik said...

shite are they still showng that zaban sambhal ke? its soo old and besides the original mind your language had so much more class than this piece of crap

12:03 PM  
Blogger indian lucifer said...

Just to prove another point.. has any one seen goodness gracious me.. its made by the same asswipe as the 1 whos in the kumars at 420 or whatever but its really good.. even though its old.. so it itsnt like we cant do it

2:34 PM  

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